Pranking for Potter
by LavvyLav
Summary: Ginny is a prankster who has never been caught. Until now. Forced to join a support group, Ginny and her fellow group inmates plan a prank to end all pranks, a prank that should result in Harry falling in love with her. But is it really necessary?
1. The Beginning of an Era

Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling is brilliant. Far more brilliant than I. I would never dare to aspire to be her, and therefore the mundane creation below is merely inspired by her genius. She owns everything. Bow to her, for I am not worthy.

Summary: Basically, Ginny is the good girl who isn't a good girl. She's a major prankster, equivalent to the great pranksters of her time, namely the Weasley twins, and, of course, Peeves. Actually, she's better. And she does it all for one special someone...

Pranking for Potter

Chapter 1: The Beginning of an Era

Ah...the life of a prankster. It's wonderfully exhilarating, you know, to pull off the perfect bit of mischief and not get caught. I'm not in it for the glory, you understand. I'm in it for the love of the sport. In my opinion, it far outranks Quidditch. That's why I let the other Hogwarts jokers take the credit for my misdeeds. You know who they are- Lee Jordan, Peeves the Poltergeist, Fred and George Weasley.

Who am I, you ask? My name is Ginevra Weasley, but if you call me that I'll hex you into oblivion. Just call me Ginny.

Oh. You've heard of me, have you? Well, forget all those lies those silly novels have told you. J.K. Rowling doesn't know as much about me as she thinks she does. I mean, Rita Skeeter has better journalistic credibility. At least she gives credit where credit is due. Honestly, writing an entire series of books about HARRY POTTER! I'm far more interesting than he is, even if I don't have a scar on my forehead and messy black hair and gorgeous green eyes and a very sexy body-

Scratch that. I do have a sexy body. But anyway, back to me. Oh, wait. We already are back to me. Have I shocked you yet?

Good. The sooner I destroy that goody-two-shoes image, the better. It's not that I'm a bad kid, you understand. I never do anything dangerous. Except for that time I transfigured Percy's cauldron into a model volcano. But I swear I didn't know he was making a Moth Potion. And I didn't know that it would explode all over his robes. It must have been a brilliant potion, though, because within ten seconds the holes in his robes grew so big that he was standing in front of the now dormant volcano naked.

But I didn't really hurt anybody, although I'm still trying to get the memory of a naked Percy out of my mind.

Maybe I should try it on Harry sometime...

J.K. Rowling did get it right when she talked about how the Weasleys are troublemakers. Unfortunately, she got the wrong Weasleys. C'mon, Fred and George? Look at how many O.W.L.'s they got! Do you honestly believe they could have created a portable swamp or fireworks that multiply when you try to get rid of them? They couldn't even send me a Hogwart's toilet seat!

They're good when it comes to the small stuff; the Canary Cremes and Ton Tongue Toffee. And Fred and George are the people to send when you want food from the kitchens, but that's only because one of the house elves is sweet on them-I kid you not. Her name is Binky or Tinky or Helsinki or something to that effect. But when it comes to pulling out the big wands, I'm the one to call.

It started in my first year. I just meant to pull one prank. I just wanted to get Harry to notice me! Can you really blame me? All I wanted was for my brother's best friend to look at me. Okay, so I wanted him to do a little more than look, but not much more-I was only eleven!

I assume you've heard of the diary, am I right? That was a nasty trick to play, slipping a possessed notebook into my cauldron. Of course, I wouldn't put anything past a Malfoy.

Speaking of Malfoys, Draco's not looking too bad these days...

But anyway, once I started talking to the diary, I realized how wrong I had been. Harry wasn't going to notice me if all I did was stutter and blush and give grimace-like smiles when he was around! I had to do something big! No one likes Mrs. Norris, anyway. Yes, I was responsible for petrifying Mrs. Norris. Tom Riddle didn't even tell me to do that! Well, he did subconsciously, I suppose. And I honestly thought the writing on the wall was funny. I didn't know there was really a Chamber of Secrets. I just thought it sounded appropriately eerie for Halloween.

Of course, not long after that Riddle completely took over me. After Harry (my hero!) saved me, I felt odd. I was grateful and all that, but I felt like something was missing from my life. I guess Riddle had affected me more than I like to admit. I was filled with an insatiable urge to prank, to cause mayhem and mischief wherever I went. And I never get caught.

Ever.

At least, not until now.

A/N

It has been pointed out to me that Ginny comes off as being arrogant. At this point of the story, she's a bit cocky, but she improves later on. Right now she's just insecure and all-too adolescent (being adolescent myself, I'm allowed to make that judgement).

I love reviews. I mean I love them. Passionately. I carry on a secret love affair with reviews, hoarding them within my heart of hearts.


	2. Support This

Disclaimer: Do I have to say it? Oh all right then. I am NOT J.K.Rowling. I will never BE J.K.Rowling. Although I CAN pretend to be for a little while and play with her characters, in the end, I still have no money and J.K.Rowling is laughing all the way to the bank.

Summary: A very irate Ginny is forced to join a support group to reform her prankster ways. A twelve-step program won't do it, but Ginny decides that _maybe_, just _maybe_, Harry (and a good bit of snogging!) might do the trick

Pranking for Potter

Chapter 2: Support This

I know that Dumbledore is a bit...eccentric (_insane!_), but this is over the top, even for him. Seriously, he cannot _honestly_ believe that this is going to work. I can't believe he made me come. Maybe I can just sneak out and-

Who am I kidding? It's Dumbledore. He knows all. He sees all. And he's a pain in the arse to us all, too.

Why the rant? Because Dumbledore has forced me to join an effing support group! One of those touchy feely clubs where I'm supposed to stand up and say "Hello. I'm Ginny and I'm a compulsive prankster" and everyone leaps out of their seat to yell "Hi, Ginny!"

Just _Avada Kedavra_ me.

I was overconfident. Hell, I was downright arrogant, prancing around going 'la-dee-da, I'm Ginny aren't I so wonderful? I'm the best prankster ever and I never ever ever get caught.'

Although it wasn't my fault that I got caught, mind you. I wasn't even doing anything _wrong_. Well, nothing _outrageously_ wrong. Okay, fine. I was in the Forbidden Forest charming the trees to talk. Hagrid has always fancied that everything is alive. I've caught him talking to plants loads of times. I was doing my _civil duty_, charming the trees to talk back to him.

It's a travesty that my good intentions aren't appreciated. One minute I'm standing next to a Whispering Willow and the next I'm being _forcibly dragged _by Mr. Head-up-his-arse Filch out of the forest.

But it's not like I have a _problem. _If you ask me, the person who has the problem is Snape. Yeah, Severus Snape (what kind of a name is Severus, anyway?) the so called Potions 'master' of Hogwarts. Someone should tell the git that grease is for bacon, not his hair. He's the head of this so called 'support group'. Thank Merlin Dumbledore forbade him from revealing exactly who is part of our little 'clique' to the entire school. Although it may make Harry sympathize with me...

The things I do for him. If he payed more attention to me, I might actually reform my ways. A good bit of snogging can take the place of a prank any day.

So now I'm sitting in an abandoned dungeon next to _Peeves the Poltergeist. _Peeves! Peeves isn't even a prankster, he's a bloody annoying git! He's not even _human. _I mean, if I'm going to be forced to admit my 'problems', show me some respect by grouping me with one of the masters! What about Billy Zonko, I ask you? Everyone _knows _he has the best stuff on account of his parents owning the joke shop in Hogsmeade. But does he get in trouble for setting off Dungbombs in the corridors? No, of course not! It's _product-testing _when _he_ does it.

At least my best friend Luna is with me. Granted, she doesn't have the skill I do, but she tries hard. And she does have experience. Her father runs the Quibbler, which is the biggest load of rubbish ever mass produced to wizardkind. I know for a fact that she comes up with some of the more ridiculous stories. I've seen her working on headlines during Divination (another load of rubbish!) instead of mysteriously gazing into a half-cracked crystal ball. Stuff like:

**Vampire Arrested For Sucking You-Know-Who's Blood And Not Turning Him In **

and

**Weird Sisters Proven to be Brothers**

and

**Albus Dumbledore Really a Muggle.**

Apparently Luna got sent here because she accidentally turned in her headlines instead of her Divination homework on 'What the stars predict for the coming year'. Hilarious, yes, but it shows sloppiness.

The real shocker is Hermione. Hermione Granger, the sixth year genius who is the front runner for next year's Head Girl and (ew!) my brother's love interest. I haven't figured out what she's in for yet. She has refused to 'share her feelings' and 'open up', although I did hear her mutter something about 'that twitchy little ferret getting exactly what he deserved'.

A/N: I was going to wait until Friday to post this, but, I confess, I'm a bit of an egomaniac. It's been a long week, and I love to read all those lovely reviews you are dying to leave. Thank you so much to those of you that reviewed!Review, please! If you don't, I will submit in article to the Quibbler about how people who don't review are Death Eaters in disguise!


	3. Prank and Tell

Disclaimer: Even if I created a perfect Polyjuice Potion and turned myself into J.K. Rowling, I would never be able to write like she does. Therefore, everything belongs to her, including the aforementioned Polyjuice Potion.

Summary: Ginny has to do an assignment on 'Why playing practical jokes is a bad thing and can have serious repercussions on you and your victims'. Take a trip down memory lane. No, really. Take a _trip_

Pranking for Potter

Chapter 3: Prank and Tell

**Playing tricks on people can cause phobias.**

_Like the time when I was little and I transfigured Ron's teddy bear into a spider...I was practically in DIAPERS and I didn't get caught. Fred or George-I forget which, got blamed for it. Of course, this was before I turned to a 'life of crime' as Snape puts it. I just lost control of my magic and Ron was being a right bloody pain in the neck._

**Practical jokes can make people cry.**

_How was I supposed to know that hexing a mirror so that it wouldn't show a reflection would bring someone to tears? I thought it was clever- someone would look in the mirror and his mate wouldn't see his reflection and think he was a vampire. Too bad that little first year got a look in it last month. Although it was rather funny seeing him running around with tears pouring down his face screaming ' I don't even LIKE blood!'_

**Salamander tails can make you sick.**

_I actually convinced Oliver Wood a couple years ago that raw salamander tails are an aphrodisiac. He ate about fifty and had some sort of reaction to them involving brightly colored spots on his body and a bad case of diarrhea that caused him to end up in the infirmary for three weeks. Luckily, one of the side effects of the healing charms Madame Pomfrey performed was that he forget everything that happened just prior to his eating the tails._

Right. Well, I really don't feel like coming up with any more reasons about 'Why playing practical jokes is a bad thing and can have serious repercussions on you and your victims'. It's bad enough that I have to meet in that dungeon every Wednesday night, but I get homework, too!

Thank Merlin tomorrow's Saturday and there's a trip to Hogsmeade to cap it all off! The last time I went to Hogsmeade it was a month ago with Billy Zonko. I told his parents we were just friends, but they were so excited to see him with a girl that they gave me loads of free stuff; dungbombs, vanishing powder, invisibility cream (it only lasts for about ten seconds, but can really give someone a good fright), etc.

Oh! I just came up with a good one.

**Itching powder not only makes you itch but can give you a really bad rash.**

_Well that Marietta Edgecome girl deserved it. Hermione took good care of her face, but I made sure that the rest of her body looked as bad as her face did after she ratted out the D.A. Lucky Dad's such a freak about muggles and has this sort of stuff._

Harry and I had a good laugh over that one. To be honest, it wasn't just Marietta's clothes I wanted to put the itching powder in-I wanted to get it all over her stupid friend Cho Chang. Stupid slut, snogging Harry like that and then making him feel horrible later on.

Of course, I didn't mind comforting Harry after the break-up.

I wonder if Harry has any plans for tomorrow. I know that Ron is going to Hogsmeade with Hermione (ew, _ew_, EW!) which means Harry's going to be the third wheel.

I think I'll go ask him.

_**An hour later**_

Oh Merlin, that was _horrifying._

And oddly exhilarating.

I was heading towards the Great Hall to find Harry when Peeves, that annoying _git, _swooped down on me.

"Hello,_ Ginevra. _Having a good time, are we? Going to find someone, are we? I'll bet you're going to find little Potty, aren't you? Isn't that _adorable_!"

He started singing. Well, screeching really.

_Ginny loves Potty_

_But does Potty love Ginny?_

_Redhead and Scarhead_

_Oh isn't it silly?_

_One of them is poor_

_The other has gold in the bank_

_Harry's Dumbledore's favorite_

_But Ginny's naughty and pulls-_

Merlin, I was scared he was going to tell my secret. I don't think Harry would appreciate knowing how I sneak out at night and tell the Fat Lady that the new password has been changed to "You could use a corset" or how once, before the Slytherin Quidditch team went out to practice I covered the snitch with vanishing cream spelled to reapply itself every minute, causing it to disappear every time Malfoy tried to catch it.

Actually, on second thought, he might find that last one rather funny. But Ron would get mad if he find out, and, being his best friend, Harry would probably tell him.

Of course, I knew how to stop Peeves before he could blab. "Peeves! Watch out! It's the Bloody Baron!"

That scared him off sure enough.

Harry, unfortunately heard the whole thing. He just grinned though and walked up to me "When are they ever going to get rid of Peeves?" he asked.

"Probably at the same time they get rid of the Bloody Baron, " I answered "I've always suspected that Peeves has a thing for him. Look how he just ran off looking for the ghost!"

Harry laughed.

"And when is Hogwarts going to get rid of you, Mr. Potter?" I asked, waiting for the right time to ask him out.

He looked into my eyes.

Merlin, he has beautiful eyes.

"Probably at the same time they get rid of you," he answered.

We looked at each other for a few seconds before I grinned feebly. "Ever the charmer, aren't you Potter? Peeves was right though. I _was _looking for you. Er, not because I love you or anything" I rushed, "I was just wondering, since your best friend and my brother are probably going to be rather disgustingly carrying on tomorrow, if you'd like to hang around with me in Hogsmeade?"

"Now who's the charmer, Ginny?" Harry laughed. "But, as a matter of fact, I would be delighted to escort you, Madame," he said with a bow.

"Thank you, kind sir," I giggled.

Harry, never dropping the ac,t frowned slightly. "A well bred young lady ought to curtsy, Miss Ginny."

"Well then, even though I am not quite a well-bred young lady, I would hate to have you think otherwise" I replied with a curtsy.

A very clumsy curtsy. I somehow managed to trip over my own feet-

-right into Harry's arms.

He got me back on my feet and, taking my hand, kissed it.

He _kissed_ it!

"Until tomorrow, milady"

A/N

Okay, seriously. I will consider it a _major_ prank if you read and don't review. And, as Ginny learns, 'playing practical jokes is a bad thing and can have serious repercussions on you and your victims'.

Practical joke: Reading and not reviewing.

Repercussion: Me taking forever to upload chapter four...which is quite good, actually. It contains a clingy Ron, a lovesick Hermione, clueless Harry, and the ever hilarious Gred and Forge!


	4. Hogsmeade

Disclaimer: It's not mine. Any of it. Really! It's not! I will swear, under oath, that I do not own Harry Potter or any of its affiliated characters, that wonderful world belonging to the talented (and wealthy) J.K. Rowling.

Satisfied?

Summary: Ron and Hermione have realized their feelings for each other. Ginny's in love with Harry. Harry is totally clueless. Fred and George are overprotective and overwhelmingly destructive. And how does Draco Malfoy fit in?

Pranking for Potter

Chapter 4: Hogsmeade

So I was really looking forward to Saturday's Hogsmeade trip, for obvious reasons. Okay, reason. One reason, many sub reasons. The main reason of course, was spending time with Harry. The sub reasons? Looking into his eyes, 'accidentally' touching his hand, finding reasons to fix his hair.

You get the idea.

Of course, it was pretty much impossible to ditch Ron and Hermione. I mean, I thought it was bad when Ron was briefly going out with that Lavender Brown girl (who, by the way, makes Umbridge's little girl attitude seem positively mature), but this was just sickening.

Here's the scene:

Ron, Hermione, Harry, and I are walking into Hogsmeade. Harry and I are casually strolling side by side. Ron and Hermione, on the other hand, are stuck so close together that I briefly wonder if one of them has performed a permanent sticking charm.

Seriously, Ron's arm was wrapped around Hermione's waist so tight I don't see how she could have possibly breathed. She looked a tad uncomfortable, but she obviously wasn't about to tell Ron to move, so I nudged Harry. He looked over at what his friend was doing and grinned.

"Careful there, mate. You don't want to break 'Mione, do you?"

Ron, clueless bloke that he is, looked confused for a bit before looking down and loosening his grip.

"Air!" gasped Hermione. "I can breathe! Thank you Harry! You saved me!"

"Blimey, Hermione. It wasn't that tight. You should have just said something!"

"Well, I would have if I had been able to find sufficient air with which to formulate any words!"

Poor Hermione. She obviously wasn't having any trouble speaking now.

"Sorry, love. But I would have saved you if you had passed out from not breathing," Ron said, slyly.

"Oh really? And how would you have done that?" inquired Hermione in a coquettish way I wasn't aware she could manage.

"Like this," Ron replied, placing his lips on hers.

"Ew!" I yelled, grabbing Harry's arm. "Look at them! They're practically _mating_! It's obscene!"

"You're right there, Ginny. Look at them! They don't even come up for air! How do they breathe?"

"Maybe it's a spell of some sort?"

"Or maybe they have an exceptionally large lung capacity."

"You could be right," I grinned. "They were underwater for quite a long time during the second task of the Triwizard."

Harry laughed.

"Stuff it, Gin," Ron scowled at me before turning back to his girlfriend.

"Stuff it, Gin," I mimicked, lowering my voice. "Don't you dare tease my beloved Hermione or I shall be forced to defend her honor."

"Oh, Ronald, how I love you, you manly man!" crooned Harry in a falsetto.

"Hermione, I shall always defend you even though I realize you are probably more useful in a duel as you are so much smarter than I am," I continued in my Ron voice.

"That's okay, Ron. I still think you are a paragon of manly virtue, even though you are not quite as handsome and talented as Harry!" said Harry (of course), still in that ridiculous voice.

Hermione blushed. "Harry, I do not talk like that," she scolded. "And, if I ever use the phrase 'manly man', you will know that I have been placed under the Imperius Curse."

"And Harry's not better looking than me!" Ron protested. "Or more talented!"

"So they _were_ paying attention," Harry said to me.

"So was everyone else," I observed. "Of course, who_ couldn't _notice those two, snogging in broad daylight in front of the entire school."

"I'm surprised Snape didn't take points off for such a scene," said Harry.

"Scandalous, really," I said, shaking my head.

"Shameful."

"It's a story worthy of Rita Skeeter,"

"For Merlin's sake, Ginny," yelled Ron, "Stop being so bloody overprotective!"

"Oh yeah?" I retorted, "And what about the way you were reacting when I was going out with Dean Thomas! I suppose that wasn't overprotective?"

"That's different!" Ron exclaimed.

"How so?"

"Well," said Ron, scratching his head, "Dean's a git."

"Don't be absurd, Ronald," I told him. "Weren't you just partnered up with him for a project?"

"Well yeah, but when it comes to him and my sister, Dean's a git!"

"Ha! You _are_ overprotective."

"Ginny," Hermione interrupted. "Must you really argue with Ron now? I'm getting a bit...lonely." She looked suggestively at Ron.

"Okay, that's enough. Harry, what say you we head over to the joke shop and leave those two to...whatever it is they're about to do. Merlin knows _I_ don't want to know."

"Sounds fine to me, Gin," Harry answered. "Ron? 'Mione? That okay with you?"

They didn't answer. Their tongues were...elsewhere.

"Just let it go, Harry. Just let it go."

And with that, we walked off.

Alone.

"So," said Harry, after we had walked for a bit, "Where's Luna, anyway?"

I grinned. "With Neville."

"Longbottom?!" Harry gasped.

"The one and only."

"What's she doing with him?" asked Harry incredulously.

"Probably the same thing Ron and Hermione are doing right now."

"I don't get it," Harry said. "Why does everyone have to be paired up with someone? What's wrong with just being friends?"

"Absolutely nothing," I said, smiling, while my heart plummeted to the ground. I actually looked down to make sure I wasn't stepping on it.

"I mean," Harry continued, "What's the big deal about dating someone? All it does is ruin a perfectly good friendship. You get a couple good snogs in, and then, after awhile, you never even speak to the other person."

This couldn't be happening! Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, could not be giving up on love!

"But Harry, you're forgetting something," I told him.

"What?"

"Eventually, you have to find the right person."

At that moment, there was a loud explosion.

"Ginny! Duck!" yelled Harry, pushing me to the ground and pulling out his wand.

Now, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, but if Harry Potter is going to defend me, I'm more than willing to let him.

"Harry!" I screamed, "Where are you?"

Smoke was quickly filling the air, and I couldn't see a thing.

"Here I am," a voice called out to me, and suddenly I found myself cradled in strong arms and carried into the Three Broomsticks.

It was dark inside.

"Harry, I don't think there's anyone in here."

"Stay behind me," Harry said, lighting up his wand. "Shit," he said. "What the bloody hell is going on?"

And then the lights came on.

And music started playing.

"Surprise!"

"Fred?" I screamed, running into his arms. "George?"

George picked me up off the floor. As soon as he put me down I hit him and Fred.

Hard.

"What the _hell _is going on?!" I inquired as calmly as I could under the circumstances.

"Sorry, Gin," said George. "My fault."

"You see, Gin," Fred said, "We accidentally set off one of our new products-"

"-A test product really-"

"-Causing that very loud noise-"

"-And everyone ran out-"

"Should have known it would be the greatest pranksters in Hogwarts history," laughed Harry.

Harry. He's so refreshingly clueless.

"So, what are you two doing here, anyway?" he asked those idiotic twins.

"Came to check up on Ginny." said Fred.

"Are you kidding?" I asked incredulously. "Why?"

"Rumours," said George.

"Suspicions," said Fred.

"About?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes.

"Michael Corner." George scowled.

"Dean Thomas," Fred grimaced.

"Draco Mal-"

"ARE YOU TWO OUT OF YOUR MINDS?!" I screamed. "YOU CAME TO HOGSMEADE, BLEW IT UP, EVACUATED THE THREE BROOMSTICKS AND MANAGED TO COMPLETELY PISS ME OFF ALL BECAUSE OF THREE BLOKES I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH?!"

"Sounds about right, wouldn't you say, George?" asked Fred.

"I'd say so," nodded George, "Except that we didn't directly evacuate the Three Broomsticks. It was sort of interrelated with the explosion."

People were starting to filter back in so I lowered my voice. Harry found us a corner table and we sat down before I continued.

"You two are completely and totally out of your minds," I informed them. "I understand I'm the youngest, and a girl, but between you two and Ron, I am going to go completely bonkers and I'm going to be hauled off to St.Mungo's and placed in the same ward as Professor Lockhart!"

"So it's not true?" they asked in unison.

I hate it when they do that.

"That's none of your concern. Just know that what may or may not have happened is nothing to be worried about, and that is all I am going to tell you," I told the twins irately.

Harry, who had managed to remain silent through the whole thing, looked at me.

"There's just one thing I don't understand," he said.

"What is it Harry?" I asked, a bit testily.

"_Malfoy?"_

"That," I told him, taking a swig of butterbeer, "is a long story. If you want to hear it, you'd better order some firewhiskey."

A/N

If you want to hear it, review! I'll bring the firewhiskey. Just so you know, this is one of my favorite chapters so far and I will be very hurt if you don't love it as well! Thanks for your reviews so far. I really appreciate them. Now go earn that firewhiskey!


	5. Snickerdoodles and Snogging

Disclaimer: I solemnly swear I am not J.K. Rowling. I solemnly swear I am not Ginny Weasley. I solemnly swear I AM-

Damn! I forgot my name!

Pranking for Potter

Chapter 5: Snickerdoodles and Snogging

Day two of the support group.

"I do not want to be here any more than you do," droned Snape. "I can assure you that I have better things to do."

Covering a snicker, I ever so subtlety slipped a note to Hermione:

_Hermione,_

_What could he possibly have to do besides be here? Change the grease in his hair?_

_Ginny_

A moment later Hermione replied:

_Ginny,_

_Well, I doubt he's changing his robes. Peeves is lucky-he can't smell Snape!_

_Hermione_

Hermione and I have always been good friends, but ever since the support group started, we've become closer. She used to treat me like a little sister, holding the year between us over me unintentionally. After all, Hermione is a know-it-all (it has to be said), and she unwittingly makes people feel inferior. But after we both landed in here, we found a common element.

_Hermione,_

_How 'bout we sneak down to the kitchens after the meeting? Girls night in? And you better not tell me you have plans with Ron or I will write a love letter to Snape and sign your name to it._

After a long day, I like to relax and knock down a couple of glasses of pumpkin juice.

**Sure, I don't have any plans with Ron until later tonight...MUCH later tonight.**

_EW!!! Hermione, why would you tell me that?! He's my BROTHER!_

**Relax, I was joking.**

_There's a change. Normally you're so uptight I wonder if you've been put in a full body bind._

Hermione very maturely stuck out her tongue.

_Although, you must let loose once in a while, to end up sitting next to me._

**Stop prying. I don't want to talk about it.**

_Who's prying?_

**You are.**

_Am not._

**Are** **too.**

_Am not._

**Are too.**

So much for her being older.

_C'mon, Hermione. Just tell me! I'll be your bestest friend..._

**Fine. I hexed Malfoy. He was being his usual annoying self, and I just...lost it.**

_Gonna have to do better than that._

**Okay...so it was really a series of hexes that resulted in him running up to McGonagall after class professing his undying love for her and singing a rather embarrassing song. He also demanded that he be resorted into Gryffindor so that he could be closer to her. Oh, and he also insinuated that he would make a better lover than Dumbledore, which really made her angry.**

At this point I started laughing very hard. As pranks go, it wasn't too impressive. Not bad, but it could do with improvement. However, considering my feelings towards Malfoy, it was impossible to control the giggles and everyone in the dungeon started staring at me.

"Weasley! What in the world is the matter with you?" demanded Snape, certainly not out of concern for my well-being.

"I-", I giggled. "I just-"

"Sir?" said Luna raising her hand.

"What is it Lovegood?"

"I believe Ginny is suffering from a Snickerdoodle."

"A whateroodle?" asked Snape, trying to pronounce the word.

"A Snickerdoodle," repeated Luna, all wide-eyed and innocent. "They lodge themselves in your throat and cause you to giggle uncontrollably."

At that moment the entire dungeon was apparently attacked by Snickerdoodles, because everyone burst into laughter and Snape was forced to dismiss early.

"Brilliant, Luna!" I said, throwing my arms around her as we walked towards the kitchens with Hermione.

"What are you talking about?" she asked me.

"The Snickerdoodles. How did you manage to come up with that?"

"Oh, they're just one of those creatures the Ministry doesn't want us to know about. Kinda like the Elphapagsus."

"Which is?" inquired Hermione.

"A flying elephant."

"Um...okay," I said, looking at Hermione and rolling my eyes as I tickled the pear to get inside the kitchens.

Luna promptly attached herself to a house elf and started lecturing him (I think it was a him) on the dangers of Snickerdoodles, Elphapagsuses and other miscellaneous, nonexistent, Quibbler invented creatures.

"You know what the really sad part about this is?" I asked Hermione, watching Luna disappear in a crowd of elves.

"The way house elves are inhumanely treated and forced to do all the work for witches and wizards even though, having magic we are better equipped to do said work than are Muggles who do it manually while we, who can accomplish everything with the flick of a wand are content to have poor defenseless creatures do it for us?" she replied.

"Er, no," I said. "The fact that Luna actually believes in all that stuff."

"I don't know if she really believes in it," Hermione said thoughtfully as an elf brought her some muffins. "I think that she's had so much trouble in her life that she sort of hides behind it. The Quibbler is something she can understand, it's a constant thing for her, and by immersing herself in it, she can forget all her problems."

I thought about all the pranks I've pulled over the years and understood what Hermione was talking about.

"But still," I said, taking a sip of pumpkin juice. "It's so...crazy."

"As crazy as snogging Malfoy?"

"What?" I said, choking on the juice. "Where did you hear that?"

"Well," Hermione giggled, "After Malfoy confessed his 'undying love' to McGonagall, she decided to figure out who had jinxed him by giving him some Veritaserum."

"And Ol' Minerva just decided to ask if he'd been kissing me?"

"Um...no, actually. I slipped that question in."

"I can't believe you would do that 'Mione!" I yelled.

"Well, I'd heard rumours..."

"You could have asked me!"

"Would you have answered truthfully?" Hermione raised her eyebrows at me.

I thought for a moment. "No."

"Okay then."

"And anyway, it was only once." I told her.

"You sure?" Hermione narrowed her eyes at me.

"Okay...twice." Hermione's eyes shrank to little slits.

"Fine! We were sneaking around for about a month or so before I got so annoyed with his pureblood attitude that I hexed him."

"I can't believe you kissed ferret boy," Hermione grimaced.

"I can't believe you kissed my brother!"

"Point taken...Why did you kiss him, anyway? I thought Malfoys and Weasleys hated each other on principal."

"I was playing Truth or Dare with some of the girls in my year, and they, knowing how much time Harry has spent at the Burrow, asked if I had ever seen him naked. I refused to answer such an obscene question, so I took the dare. And once you kiss Draco Malfoy, you just can't stop."

I smiled, remembering what a great kisser he really is. Pity he's such a prat.

"Too much information!" squealed Hermione.

"Sorry." I said, still with a foolish grin on my face.

"So does this mean you _have_ seen Harry naked?" Hermione gasped.

"Oh my! It is getting rather late. Luna!" I called. " Time to go!"

A/N

Thanks you to all those you have reviewed! If you do not, however, review this chapter, I shall unleash a swarm of Snickerdoodles upon you, and you shall laugh forevermore!


	6. Warning: May Cause Hair Loss

Disclaimer:You know those dreams where all your wishes are granted? I had a dream that I owned all of this. Then I woke up and J.K. Rowling took over.

Summary: A transfer student enters the picture. Pay attention kids, because you'll see more of her and for good reason. Hermione and Ron look like the Giant Squid and Colin takes pictures. Ron uses the Drooling Veela Stare and Harry talks with his mouth full. Read on in order for this to make any sense at all.

Pranking for Potter

Chapter 6: Warning: May Cause Hair Loss

Immaculata Perez.

Those two words are synonymous with pure evil. She's a transfer student from El Sombrero Puntiagudo Academia de Magico and I absolutely cannot _stand_ her.

She's a fifth year. Ravenclaw. And she wants to sink _her_ claws into the most popular boy in school. The Boy Who Lived.

The Boy Who Saved My Life.

The Boy Who Thankfully Cannot Speak Spanish.

And the worst part is that Immaculata (Immy-which is a horrid nickname) has attached herself to _me_. Following me all around the castle. "_Ay de mi, _Ginny," she whines in a revoltingly nasal voice. "I simply do not know what to do! Harry Potter does not know I exist."

That is blatantly untrue. Harry _does_ know who Immy is. I, in fact, pointed her out to him.

"Harry," I said at lunch one day, "See that girl at the Ravenclaw table? The one with the long dark hair and the blue eyes?"

"Yes," said Ron immediately with what I like to call the Drooling Veela Stare.

Hermione elbowed him. I didn't envy him-Hermione has very sharp elbows.

"Ron," I chided, "I was talking to Harry. Now go finish your food and then you and Hermione can go find yourself a corner or something to...play in. Okay?"

Hermione shot me a deathly glare. The daggers in her eyes are _nearly_ as sharp as her elbows.

"C'mon Ron," she said, standing up and pulling her boyfriend with her. "I reckon we can find something to do _alone._"

"Anyway," I turned to Harry. "Watch out for her."

"Why?" he asked, taking a bite of sausage.

He's so cute when he talks with his mouth full!

"I heard she got kicked out of her last school for brewing illegal love potions. Seems she was trying to get Julio Fernandez to take her to some ball or other."

"Julio Fernandez?" Harry's eyes opened wide. His beautiful, sparkling green eyes. "You mean-"

"Ricardo Fernandez's son," I nodded. "Apparently being the son of an internationally famous Quidditch star is all it takes to attract Immaculata Perez."

"And this has _what_ to do with me?" Harry continued to eat. Honestly, what does it take to make a boy stop eating?

"Well, have you ever heard of Mark Jackson?"

"Isn't he that singer?" Harry wondered.

"Yup. Another love potion."

"Okay, but what the hell does that have to do with me, Ginny?" He was _still eating_ at this point.

"Think about it Harry," I ordered, inwardly marveling at his large appetite, " Immy goes for famous guys."

"So?" he asked through a mouth full of eggs.

"Harry, you're the Chosen One!" I exclaimed! "You're going to rid the world of Voldemort! Even Victor Krum admits you're an amazing flyer. The Wizarding World looks to you as their hero. You're the Triwizard Champion. You saved the Philosopher's Stone, defeated Riddle, battled dementors and fought Death Eaters at the Ministry! So excuse me for being worried that Immaculata Perez the Loca might target you!"

"Oh." Harry sat there for a moment before taking another bite of sausage. "Right then. Well, you don't have to worry about me. I can throw off the Imperious Curse, remember? I think I can handle a love potion."

"But Harry," I said, thinking fast, "Immaculata's potions tend to have side effects..."

"Whaddya mean?"

"Er...If you fight the potion, your hair falls out!" I declared triumphantly.

Harry's hands flew to his mussed black hair.

Merlin, I love his hair.

So now Harry thinks Immaculata is some sort of crazy, mad, obsessed, psycho stalker who attempts to force feed celebrities love potions.

Okay! I know! I'm a horrible person to do that, but all is fair in love and war, right?

_Right?_

Hermione agrees with me. Apparently she knows about my undying love for Harry Potter and supposedly has a way of helping me win him over.

"Ginny," she told me on the way to the Dungeon of Support Group Hell, "You're going about this all wrong."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said. "Going about _what_ all wrong?"

"Getting Harry," she replied simply.

I gasped. "I don't like Harry!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "And I don't like Ron."

"Really?" I said sarcastically, "Because it didn't exactly look like you _dis_liked him in the Common Room last night the way you were attached to his face. The shadow you two made looked like the Giant Squid. Your arms and legs flailing all over the place like tentacles. I even saw a first year taking notes, although I certainly wouldn't recommend your technique to anyone-a bit too sloppy. Colin Creevy was highly amused as well. He even took pictures."

"Enough stalling, Ginny." A faint blush was creeping up Hermione's cheeks. "You know you like-Wait a minute. Colin took _pictures?_"

"That's beside the point, Hermione," I grinned.

"But what if someone _sees_ them?!"

"Hermione, everyone _saw _you last night."

"But p-pictures!" she stammered.

"Don't worry about it. I'll convince Colin to destroy them." Hermione is such a prude...except when it comes to Ron.

"And how are you going to do that?" she demanded. "You know how Colin is about his camera. When something happens, he pulls _it_ out first, _then_ his wand."

"I have my ways," I answered, recalling how good-looking Colin has gotten.

Not that I've forgotten about Harry. I just need a diversion.

"Uh-oh. I know that look."

"What look?" I immediately assumed my 'I'm An Angelic, Innocent Witch' face.' "_This_ look?"

"No," Hermione eyed me sternly, "the look that was in your eyes a moment ago."

I continued to look cute and innocent.

"You wouldn't!" This time she eyed me suspiciously.

"Once again, I have no clue what you are talking about." I calmly continued down the corridor.

"You would!" Hermione grabbed my arm.

"Would what?" I asked, walking faster.

"Seduce Colin to get him to destroy those pictures!" Hermione shrieked. Her shrieking may well be sharper than her the daggers in her eyes and elbows combined.

"And what if I am planning it? You snogged Krum _and_ Ron who snogged Lavender who's friends with Cho who snogged Cedric and Harry who _most certainly has not snogged me!!!_ Seems like I'm the only one not getting any action.

"If you don't consider Corner, Thomas and Malfoy," here Hermione shuddered slightly, "enough _action,_ I highly suggest you have a talk with Madame Pomfrey about your uncontrollable hormones."

"Uncontrollable hormones? _Me?!_ Need I remind you what started this discussion about my _uncontrollable hormones_?!" I yelled, nearly running into a suit of armour.

"Ginny, don't get upset, but there _is_ a difference between me and you," Hermione tried to calm me down while simultaneously preventing me from a head-on collision.

"Yeah. I'm not a bloody annoying bookwormy know- it- all!" So maybe it was a bit harsh, especially considering she had just saved me from a trip to the hospital wing (where Hermione probably would have engaged Madame Pomfrey in a discussion about adolescent behaviour), but it's not like she's never been called a know-it-all before.

Hermione blinked, not looking the least bit hurt. "Considering the..._state_... that you're in, I'll overlook that last statement."

"Oh, how can I ever thank you!" I exulted, with less sarcasm than I would have if Hermione hadn't just saved me from the armour, which, I admitted to myself, was likely quite heavy.

"What I mean," Hermione continued, "is that I am in a committed relationship. You on the other hand, are, well..._not_."

"Thanks for reminding me,"

"It's fine for me to kiss Ron. He's my boyfriend. But you, you just jump from one guy to another. You don't care about an actual relationship. You're not shy around men but when it comes to the one guy you really like, you can't be straightforward with him. You lead guys on but you can't admit your true feelings to someone you truly care about."

"Damn. We're back to Harry already." I turned the corner.

"Ha! So you _do_ like him!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Of course I do. You know I do." No use hiding anything from the Queen of Know-It-Alls.

"Well you need to tell him." She said it gently, in an annoying 'I'm a Woman of the World, listen to me' voice.

"Oh sure," I said. "I'm just going to say 'Hi Harry! Look, I know the fate of the Wizarding world is in your hands and you can get any girl you want, practically, including Moaning Myrtle who's dead and lives in a toilet, and Millicent Bulstrode who may secretly be a man, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm in love with you. Keep in mind that I'm your best friend's overprotected little sister whose older brothers may very will murder you for getting involved with me, that is assuming you even like me, which is highly unlikely seeing how you're way out of my league.' Sure Hermione. That sounds _brilliant._"

"Oh he likes you," Hermione assured me.

"And he told you this?" I wondered disbelievingly.

"Er, no, not exactly," she admitted. "He doesn't _know_ he likes you yet. But he _does_ like you."

"Well isn't that _lovely_! So I'm just supposed to sit around on my bum waiting for The Boy Who Doesn't Have A Brain to figure it out?"

"Of course not," Hermione said as we reached the Dungeon of Doom. "But there _are_ ways of getting a man."

"And there are ways of snogging that do not involve emotionally scarring first years, but you don't seem to have discovered them yet."

"Don't worry. You'll get Harry. After all, I _am_ the smartest witch in the year."

A/N: You get it by now, right? Read. Review. Wait patiently for next chapter. Repeat Process. I love you guys!

El Sombrero Puntiagudo Academia de Magico is The Pointed Hat Academy of Magic located in Spain or some other random Spanish-speaking country of your choice.


	7. The Side Effects of Shopping

Disclaimer: Oh look! A shooting star! **I wish Harry Potter was mine**. Darn. It still belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Summary: A love triangle forms, and someone ends up in the hospital wing. And Yay! More Peeves!

Pranking for Potter

Chapter 7: The Side Effects of Shopping

Maybe if I close my eyes it will go away.

Closing, closing, closing.

No! It's true! Bloody hell that boy can hold his breath. But why is he kissing Lavender Brown?! Isn't there some sort of rule that you can't date your best friend's ex? Or does that only apply to girls? And after that whole "What's wrong with just being friends" rubbish Harry gave me. Now he's kissing Lavender?! I mean, yes, I suppose she's fairly attractive, but she's such an idiot!

I overheard her last week in the loo talking to Parvati Patil. Parvati's sister Padma, the one in Ravenclaw, must have gotten all the brains, because Parvati's a few feathers short of a Canary Cream.

Keep in mind that, while I may tend to over dramatize things a bit, I always tell the truth. What I am about to repeat is the actual conversation held between the Gryffindor Gossip Queens.

Sobbing filled the bathroom. I looked around me and determined that I was not in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom and therefore the unearthly wails were not coming from her. I was just coming in to the bathroom and decided not to make my presence known just then.

"Lav, what's the matter, love?" said I voice I took to be Parvati's.

"I can't. It's just...too awful to mention." More sobs.

I must have been blessed with the Inner Eye Trelawney is always going on about because I immediately discerned that Lavender was using a "Does this robe make me look fat" voice. You know, the one where girls pretend they look like hell just so their friends reassure them that they look wonderful and the friend who is doing the comforting then says they look fat and the first friend says they look wonderful and they go back and forth and back and forth before convincing themselves that they are the most attractive people in the world.

"Lavender, just come out of the stall and let me see. It can't be that horrible."

"Yes" sob "It" sniffle "Is" At this point Lavender blew her nose and stepped out of the stall.

"Oh sweet Merlin," Parvati exclaimed.

"What?!" Lavender gasped. "I knew it! I look awful! My butt looks gigantic, my hair is frizzy and..." she sniffled again, "And...I...broke a NAIL!"

"Actually, I just meant your eyes looked puffy," Parvati said reassuringly.

"So I don't look fat?" Lavender wiped at her eyes.

Parvati gasped. "Of course not! Do I?"

"Of course not, silly."

"Sorry about the broken nail though, where'd you get them done?"

"Madame Polisham's Place, you know, the one that just opened in Hogsmeade."

"Shame. They look so nice, too!" Here Parvati shook her head a bit and made a little pouty face.

_Goodness, _I thought, _It's a _nail, _not a pygmy puff._

"Yes, I rather thought so," Lavender giggled. "Look at the effect they have on my eyes when I hold my hands up to my face. Really brings out the color, doesn't it?"

"Definitely...Hey, do you think I can borrow your lip gloss?" Now that the crisis was averted, Parvati turned the conversation to herself.

"I dunno...Are you sure you want to? The shade doesn't exactly go with your shoes," Lavender said skeptically.

_This _is the kind of airhead Harry's going to go and get involved with? Honestly. He's supposed to be the Boy Who Lived, not the Boy Who Can't Breathe On His Own! Something has to be done about this.

* * *

"Lavender," I called quietly. I had just spotted Lavender in the library. Yes, I know it's hard to believe, but she was actually in the library. 

"Oh, hey Ginny," she said, flipping her hair, "What's up?"

"Nothing much. Just up for some girl talk."

Lavender's eyes lit up. "So who's the guy?"

"Who says there's a guy?" How does her mind jump to boys so quickly?!

She looked at me with that 'older sister' expression on her face. "Oh, come on Ginny. What else could it be."

"One of the other major earth-shattering things such as my hair, lip gloss, or shoes," I replied, sweetly sarcastic.

"Ginny, sweetie," Lavender patted me on the arm, "While I admit that those are indeed very important things, I think you and I both know that this is about a guy. After all, why else would you approach me? I am, after all, quite a hit with the boys."

So modest.

"In fact," she whispered confidingly, "I _may_ have a new boyfriend!"

"Oh, really?" I said, pretending to be thrilled while all the while I wanted to smash her grinning face in. "What's his name?"

"Well, you know how I hate to gossip," Of course she does. "I don't want to name any names until it's definite."

Well, if that kiss wasn't definite, I'd certainly like to know what is! Although, that _is _rather good news. On the other hand, what does Lavender think Harry is, some sort of One Night Snog?!

No way is she going to get my man.

Of course, it may be rather difficult now that she's in the hospital wing and all...

"C'mon. I'll tell you my secrets if you tell me yours!" I said wrapping a sisterly arm around Lavender's shoulders. She didn't happen to notice the wand in my hand which was pointing to the book on the table. To anyone else that picked up the book, it would maintain a normal weight. To Lavender, it would grow heavier with each step she took.

"Oh all right," she giggled. You could tell she was just dying to tell everyone about her latest conquest.

Slut.

"Just let me get my books," I said, gathering the books on the table in front of me.

Lavender's eyes went wide. "Goodness, Ginny! Are all those yours?"

"'Fraid so. Mind giving me a hand?" I handed her a book.

"Glad to." We started to walk out of the library, and Lavender's steps grew slower and slower. Finally, she dropped the book in defeat. "I don't know what's the matter with me! It's so _heavy_!"

I picked up the book, and leafed through it's pages pretending to be examining it.

"Seems fine to me. You sure you're okay, Lav?"

Because, you know, I wouldn't actually want to _hurt_ her or anything. Just put her out of commission.

I heard footsteps approaching and turned to see Luna.

"I bet it's an R.A.L.J," she announced sagely.

"Er, a what?" Lavender looked more confused than usual.

"You know," Luna explained cheerfully, "A Run-down, Annoying, Lethargic, Jadarno."

"I really am tired," Lavender looked at me. "Is she even speaking English?"

While I secretly agreed with Lavender, I wasn't about to let her insult Luna, even if it _was _unintentional. "Just hear her out," I scolded. "And, um, how does an Run-down, annoying, lethargic...Jadarno...differ from a 'normal' Jadarno?"

"Well," Luna said patiently, "As I'm sure you know, Jadarno's come from southern Italy. However, a mutation in the 17th century, caused a small group of them to emigrate to Britain. The R.A.L.J. feeds off of people's strength by sucking energy out of them. To the naked human eye, they look just like mosquitoes."

Lavender looked like she might pass out. In support of Luna, I suppressed all laughter. "That's interesting-maybe you're right, but in the meantime, let's get Lav here to the hospital wing."

I walked her to Madame Pomfrey. Lavender leaned on me, acting like she was going to die. My grandmother would have called it the vapors.

Pomfrey called it over exhaustion.

"But can't you fix it with magic?" Lavender wailed.

"I'm afraid not, young lady. The best treatment is some good rest. Too much studying, I daresay."

"Too much shopping more like," I smirked.

Luna opened her mouth, doubtless to chatter on about the R.A.L.J. but I nudged her, begging her to keep quiet.

Lavender went into a dreamy like daze after I said the word shopping, and her eyes glazing over, likely picturing shops and shops full of wonderful robes.

Yuck.

"Now," Madame Pomfrey said, leading Lavender to a bed, "I want you to eat up and rest. Here-drink this pumpkin juice."

"But the calories!" Lavender shrieked.

Luna stayed by Lavender's bed, trying to convince her that a sip of pumpkin juice would _not_ prevent her from fitting into her new dress robes, as Madame Pomfrey pulled me aside. "I'm afraid your friend is very sick," she told me.

Oh no. I had _killed_ Lavender! My heart started racing-as a matter of fact, it's still pounding a bit.

Pomfrey must have accurately discerned the look on my face because she quickly went on, "Oh no dear, nothing to be worried about. She'll be fine, but she will likely be here for a couple weeks. She's suffering from a combination of exhaustion, malnutrition, and is also a shop-a-holic."

I exhaled sharply. "That's a relief."

Haha. I guess that means no snogging Harry. Hands off, Lavender! He's _mine!!!_

"Be sure to visit me, Ginny!" Lavender called out as I left. Luna decided to stay behind for a bit. Good soul, that one.

I was heading towards Gryffindor Tower when I heard a voice behind me.

"Oh Ginny-Gin-Gin," it called.

I turned around. "Oh. Hullo, Peeves."

"Hermione asked me to tell you something," he grinned.

He was being unusually civil, I mused. "That was nice of you to come and tell me."

"But then again, maybe I forgot," he continued.

Apparently he decided to screw the civility.

"What was it Peeves?" I asked sweetly.

"But then maybe I didn't forget...Or maybe I did...Or maybe I didn't," he chanted, hovering around in circles.

"Peeves, would you please just _tell_ me?" I demanded.

"What's in it for me?" He said, floating overhead.

"I'll tell you how to play a prank on the Bloody Baron," I cajoled.

Peeves thought it over, pretending to take his time, but I knew he'd give in. There's a sort of friendly rivalry between Peeves and I, but he's not bad when you get to know him. "Fine then-she said to meet her in the Room of Requirement. Something about a plan."

"Thanks Peeves!"

"Wait!" he called. "What about the Bloody Baron?" Shocking good memory for someone who isn't even alive.

"Easy. Dump some water on him." I started walking away (again).

Peeves popped out in front of me, making an annoying clucking sound."He can't feel water, Wittle Weasel!"

"Well, I didn't guarantee the prank would work," I grinned. "And I didn't say you wouldn't get caught. Ta-ta!" I waved and walked briskly away, leaving behind a very irate looking Peeves.

And now, I am slightly worried to find out what Hermione has in store, but it can't be too bad...

Right?

A/N: Hello darlings! It's been awhile... And I'm sorry about the cliffie, but I've heard that they're good for you. Builds strong bones and such. Like eating your veggies. The R.A.L.J. isn't totally random, just so you know. It's named for one of my very loyal reviewers at who gave me the idea for the bit of mischief Ginny pulls off in this chapter. And now there's a love triangle! Or, I suppose if you include Immy, it's a rectangle (or a square). But then, if you're a diehard Draco fan, it could be a pentagon. The complications!!!

Tell me what you think!


	8. Plan of Attack

Disclaimer:It's a New Year...Time for things to change, right? And yet, I'm STILL not J.K.Rowling. Sorry.

Summary: Hermione's plan turns out to be not so good after all.

Pranking for Potter

Chapter 8: Plan of Attack

I love many things.

My friends (usually), my family (occasionally), shoes, quidditch, chocolate, snogging, pranking, sugar quills and that new Professor What's His Name they have teaching Muggle Sports-he's rather attractive if I do say so myself.

As I said, I love many many things, but Hermione is most _certainly not_ one of them!

I met her in the Room of Requirement as planned and it looked like a bloody war meeting. Charts and graphs and such all over the walls. She kept referring to Harry as 'the target'. After hearing her 'plan of atttack' I concluded one thing;

Hermione is bloody insane. Not 'Yes, I kissed Draco Malfoy and liked it insane' like I am, but more like 'I think Peter Pettigrew is devilishly sexy' off your rocker nuts. And after all that 'Oh la-de-da, look at me! I'm Hermione Granger and I'm the _smartest_ witch in my year' nonsense.

There is absolutely NO WAY I am going through with her little plan. It's not even a plan really. To me, the word plan has the following definition:

Plan: Goody-two shoes, by the book, safe, training wheels idea. Like turning in your homework when it's due, and buying McGonagall a birthday present (you little suck-up!)

I have other definitions that also come in useful.

Scheme: Slightly reckless, but quite fun, often resulting in euphoria. To be used in snogging a bloke you have no romantic interest in, but whom you find to be quite fit.

Plot: Sure to get you in trouble, likely won't work. Back off, this could KILL YOU!

And Hermione is now desirous of turning me from a mischievous but respectable schemer into a plotter.

"Hermione," I told her sitting her down in a rather comfy looking chair, "As your friend, I believe it is my duty to tell you that you have passed into the realm of insanity. Now don't panic, dear, I'm sure Madame Pomfrey has something that will make you nice and slee-"

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" Hermione leapt up. I tried not to laugh as static caused her long, curly hair to fan out behind her, still attached to the seat. "It's perfectly safe. I _have_ made a successful Polyjuice Potion before, you know."

"Actually, I didn't know. It's never really come up before."

She's an eye-roller, Hermione-that's for sure. "Well I'm terribly sorry. I should have invited you over for a nice cup of tea _ages_ ago and asked 'So, what complicated, dangerous and nearly illegal potions have_ you_ been brewing lately.' And then we could have had a nice _chat_ about Polyjuice, and love potions, and that thing Ron steals from your dad so he can get in the mood..."

"Ewwwww! Hermione! I don't need to be hearing about the sex life of ANY members of my family."

"Oh, don't get me wrong," she said reassuringly. "Ron's quite good, he just sometimes needs a bit of a pick-me-up."

The look I gave her was lethal. "I believe that little gem of information would fall under the category of **Things I Don't Want To Know As They Pertain To The Sex Lives Of Members Of My Family**!!!!!!! Now, for the last time, I am NOT using Polyjuice Potion to turn into Lavender to get Harry to snog me to see if I really _do_ love him and then after giving him the best kiss of his life admitting that it was me all along and delude myself into thinking that will enable us to live happily ever after!"

"Well," she said scoldingly. "Do you have a better plan?"

"Damn it, Hermione!" Pardon my french, but I was throughly incensed at this point and not entirely in my right mind. "If I want to kiss Harry, I'll do it _myself_!!!!"

And I did just that.

Of course, there were too many complications for that to be the end of things...That Lavender sure does make a quick recovery.

A/N: Hello darlings! It's been awhile... But then, patience IS a virtue. And I'm sorry about the cliffie, but I've heard that they're good for you. Builds strong bones and such. Like eating your veggies. And reviewing.


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